A REALLY WRONG NUMBER
Two Kansas men let their fingers do the walking right to a prison cell -- after accidentally dialing 911 during a high-stakes drug deal.
Jesus Suarez and Jesus Santos were putting the finishing touches on a crack cocaine sale when one of their cell phones dialed the emergency number. The dispatcher overheard a commotion on the other end and kept the connection until the location could be traced and cops could be sent to the scene.
When the officers were nearby, one of the men was overheard saying, 'Oh, there goes the cops' before being taken into custody.
"We have been trying to figure out how to classify it," said Leavenworth police Chief Patrick Kitchens. "It might be the first case where a person accidentally dialed 911 and got arrested."
Being rude will get you more than a slap on the wrist -- it could get you slapped with some cuffs.
A sixth-grader in Colorado found that out the hard way when cops handcuffed her for being "extremely rude" to a school administrator and a representative of the sheriff's office.
The teen was spotted walking in the hallway and told an assistant principal she was getting a sweater because she was cold. When pressed further, she said, "I don't have time for this," and walked away.
That didn't go over well, so uniformed deputies were called in, and when the girl remained "rude," she was hauled off to a juvenile detention center.
Source: Denver Post
NOW THAT'S AN ATM FEE!
A Georgia man found out the second time isn't the charm -- when he failed in his attempt to rob a bank, then returned to try to get cab fare out of the ATM.
Trevor Gladston entered the bank and handed the teller a note saying, "Hand over all the money or we start shooting." That didn't work, so he fled, hailing a cab and high-tailing it to a local bus station -- only to discover he had no cab fare.
When the driver insisted he pay, Gladston asked her to take him back to the branch he tried to stick up -- and while he was trying to make a legal withdrawal, cops arrived to arrest him.
Source: Huffington Post
MAYBE HE NEEDED WISDOM TEETH
An Indiana thug wanted the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth when he accosted a female acquaintance and tried to steal her dentures ... while she was still wearing them!
John Dicken was arrested outside the woman's home after she called cops to report that he grabbed her by the face and tried to rip out her false teeth. Not surprisingly, responding officers described Dicken as intoxicated and belligerent -- and in possession of a small amount of marijuana as well.
Since he's still in jail after failing to post bail, we bet he's feeling pretty down in the mouth.
A SHORTS SIGHTED CRIMINAL
A wanna-be crook in Florida proved he had his head up his butt -- by trying to rob a bank wearing a pair of underwear on top of his head ... but not over his face.
Eli Escalera made his way to a teller window with the shorts perched atop his skull and handed the clerk a note reading, "Give me what are 20s and 50s." The clerk, apparently a stickler for good grammar, asked Escalera what he was asking for, to which he replied "never mind" before fleeing.
The bank manager called cops, who apprehended Escalera after a briefs ... er, brief chase.
HIS 911 CALL WASN'T A HIT
An Illinois man found himself behind bars after calling 911 to report a fight -- one he wanted to have with a police officer.
John Pacella dialed the emergency number to say he needed to have cops sent to his address because he wanted to fight them. The dispatcher, eager to keep a citizen happy, obliged and sent a pair of deputies to Pacella's place, leading him to immediately start flailing at them.
The 38-year-old remains behind bars, charged with aggravated battery, resisting a police officer, and battery with intent to provoke or insult.
Source: Chicago Tribune
DUDE, YOU'RE BUSTED!
A California crook found he had a little too much on his plate when he tried to make a clean getaway from a bank robbery -- only to be traced by his vanity license plates.
Robert Alm pointed a gun at a teller and fled on foot with a little over three grand in cash. Witnesses saw him run around the corner and climb into a white Ford Expedition with the personalized plate ALM DUDE. When cops ran the plates, they tracked Alm down at his home and arrested him without incident.
Next time, we bet he takes the bus.
Source: San Diego Tribune
THE PHANTOM OF THE MILLER LIGHT
A Wisconsin man didn't have a ghost of a chance of getting police to believe his story about domestic violence charges brought by his wife -- namely that a ghost was responsible for attacking her.
Michael West made the spirited defense after cops arrived at his home in response to an emergency call. The victim had said that the couple was fighting over an imminent foreclosure, and that West dared her to call 911 if she wanted to stop the argument from escalating. When she did, he flipped out.
The officers on scene said that West told them "a ghost" was responsible for the woman's distress, and noted he was visibly intoxicated at the time of the bust.
Source: The Northwestern
ME WANT COOKIE ... AND YOUR CASH!
A crook in Nebraska thought he could get to easy street via Sesame Street, so he donned a Cookie Monster disguise to rob a convenience store.
The man, who is still at large, drew a gun before demanding the clerk on duty hand over all the cash in the register. The employee decided not to be a grouch and complied with the request, giving the crook quite a sweet deal.
When the thug is hauled in, we're sure the story will be brought to you by the numbers five to 10.
Source: Omaha Journal Star
TURNING IN THE MAN IN THE MIRROR
A Cincinnati man was arrested on bank robbery charges after being fingered by an unimpeachable witness -- himself!
Frank Coleman slipped a note to a teller demanding she empty her cash drawer into a bag -- and when she told him she didn't have any bags, he produced his own, netting about two grand from the till. But while he managed to get away without triggering any alarms, Coleman triggered something inside himself -- and called 911 less than an hour later to turn himself in.
On the bright side, he did have two grand toward bail in his pocket.
Source: Huffington Post
NOW THAT'S WHAT WE CALL FAST FOOD
A Los Angeles woman tried to give a whole new meaning to the phrase "happy meal" by approaching men at a McDonald's drive-through and offering sexual favors in exchange for some chicken McNuggets.
Khadijah Baseer was spotted opening car doors at random in order to propose her trade, but she found no takers. One customer took the time to inform cops of the fast-times for fast-food offer -- and Baseer was quickly taken into custody.
You've got to wonder ... did she want fries with that?
Source: Los Angeles Times
NOW THAT'S A CHEEKY IDEA!
A woman in New Zealand thinks there are no ifs, ands or butts about her get rich quick scheme -- which involves selling a piece of her own butt to the highest bidder.
Tina Beznec is organizing an auction that will allow perfect strangers to choose a design, which she'll have tattooed somewhere on her posterior for posterity. Nearly 200,000 people have taken a look at her website, and while some have merely left cracks, bidders have taken the price up to nearly $10,000.
We hope the winner doesn't pick a design that will make her the butt of friends' jokes.
Source: Orange News (U.K.)
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES ...
A Florida man got a real lesson in the terrible twos when his toddler son revealed his hiding place after cops knocked on the family's door to arrest him.
Valdet Gjeloshi was wanted for violating probation on a battery charge, and scampered into the home's attic when he got wind that police had shown up to haul him off. The child's mom covered for him and told the officers that he was nowhere to be found, but the two-year-old proudly pointed out where daddy was hiding.
Valdet was taken into custody on a parole violation charge.
Source: Tampa Bay Times
A DOPEY 911 CALL
A Maine resident's efforts to catch a crook went up in smoke when he called cops to report someone breaking into his garage -- only to have them show up and bust him for allegedly using the building as a pot farm.
Earl Williamson dialed 911 after hearing suspicious noises outside, and got a suitably quick response from the boys in blue -- which turned out to be a mixed blessing. The intruder was, in fact, scared away, but deputies found more than two dozen marijuana plants growing in the garage, and nearly a pound of weed ready to sell.
Williamson is slated to answer drug charges at the end of next month.
Source: Lewiston Sun-Journal
BREAKING AND ENTERTAINING
Usually, when someone breaks into a house, they end up walking out with valuables, but not a Brooklyn man, who jimmied his way into an elderly woman's apartment and left his own X-Box behind.
The man, who was identified by witnesses, spent the better part of a week living in Joyce King's apartment while she was away for the holidays. He made himself at home, cooking meals, showering and playing video games, but has since been arrested on burglary and trespassing charges.
King says he's lucky she didn't catch him first, noting, "I would have to beg the Lord to forgive me."
HANDS UP, YOU'VE GOT A GUN!
A British crook who thought his heist was in the bag found out otherwise when he approached a bank teller with a gun in one hand and a getaway bag in the other -- only to point the bag at the victim, and hand him the gun instead!
The cashier pressed an alarm button and made a grab for the gun, but the wanna-be thief managed to escape -- without a penny of the bank's proceeds. He did steal an employee's bicycle to flee the scene, however.
A police spokesperson noted, "This man is not the sharpest tool in the box."
WHO WOULD JESUS SHOOT?
An Indiana man demonstrated a rather unique grasp of the Christmas spirit earlier this week, when he drove up the steps of the war memorial in Indianapolis, set a fire and began waving around a gun -- to remind everyone to think of Jesus.
Daniel Whitaker, who was wrapped in an American flag through most of the outburst, pulled a handgun from his waistband and told police, "If you come and join us in Christ, I'll lay my weapon on the ground." He kept his promise when three officers agreed -- but he also mooned them as they approached.
Whitaker has been charged with arson and criminal recklessness.
Source: The Indy Channel
A British woman discovered that the pen is mightier than the stomach after going to her doctor over some gastric distress and finding she had swallowed one -- more than two decades ago.
Not only was the thing in one piece -- it actually still worked!
The 76-year-old was baffled at first, but then remembered swallowing the writing implement when she fell down with it in her mouth. X-rays done at the time were normal, but improved technology resulted in the pen being spotted and removed when she went in to complain of severe cramps and diarrhea.
Now that's something to write home about.
STEALING MORE THAN A KISS
We've heard of going to a drive-in movie on a date, but a drive-out movie? That was the idea hatched by a Florida man who bolted from a theater when the lights lowered and stole his date's car.
Michael Pratt told the unidentified woman he needed to borrow her keys because he'd left something in her vehicle. When he didn't return, she called his cell and he laughingly told her he'd ripped her off.
The car, which was actually a rental anyway, turned up in a parking lot four days later -- and Pratt was arrested shortly thereafter. Pratt previously served more than a year in prison for the same charge.
Source: St. Petersburg Times
BUTT-HEADS BUTT DIAL COPS
A pair of burglars in Wisconsin made it easy for cops to build a case against them -- when one of them accidentally "butt-dialed" 911 and broadcast their entire criminal scheme to authorities
Jason Hamielec and Brian Johnson had just shoplifted a slew of video games and DVDs from a Target store and planned to sell them at a shop down the road -- a plot they discussed in detail en route. The two even talked about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided to put the plates back on.
According to cops, the pair seemed baffled to see a police escort waiting when they arrived to make their sale.
Source: Wisconsin State Journal
SHE'S ONE ANGRY BIRD
A woman in Washington state won't be getting a gold star from the instructor in her anger management class -- since she pulled out a knife and stabbed another student just two minutes into the session.
Faribah Maradiaga was charged with second-degree assault after she walked into the class, which had already started, and began making wisecracks about a Dr. Phil video that was being shown. When another student told her to give the TV doc a chance, she flipped out and attacked her, leaving slash wounds on the victim's shoulders.
The woman who was assaulted is now suing King County, Washington, on a variety of counts -- with her lawyer asking why violent offenders aren't discouraged from carrying weapons into anger management classes.
Source: Huffington Post
VIDEO KILLED THE SHOPLIFTING STAR
In shoplifting, as in comedy, timing is everything. That's the lesson that Timothy Randal Clark learned when trying to rob a Maryland Wal-Mart of about $600 in video games on what was designated "Shop With a Cop Day."
The well-publicized charity event is designed to give underprivileged kids a shot at a nice holiday gift, but this year, it also netted an arrest for Clark, who was spotted shoving the loot under his shirt.
Since there were more than 50 officers on hand to take the call, it's unclear who got credit for the bust.
Source: Huffington Post
THAT'S NACHO DAD'S SMUGGLING PLAN!
A drug smuggler in California ended up with a little too much spice in his life after being busted trying to hide more than $100,000 worth of crystal meth in cans of jalapenos and nacho cheese sauce.
The unidentified man was stopped at a Mexican border crossing, where officials found the cans, which they deemed to be too heavy -- since they contained more than seven pounds of the drug in addition to the spicy treats.
While the man no doubt intended to make a huge score, he ended up having his stash and car seized -- and saying "cheese" to the guy taking his mugshot photo.
Source: Los Angeles Times
A UNIFORMLY BAD IDEA
An Ohio man called cops to ask for help because he was locked in a car -- a police car that he was trying to steal.
Peter Theado used the cruiser's computer and police radio to ask for help in getting the vehicle in gear, saying he wanted to head out on patrol in order to help protect the citizens of his hometown. The keys were inside the car, but it wasn't running at the time, so Theado was foiled in his odd attempt to become a volunteer policeman.
He was also arrested on charges of criminal trespassing, attempted grand theft, obstruction of official business and unauthorized use of a police computer
BLAMING THE VICTIMS ... AND SUING THEM TOO
A Colorado man who's serving 11 years in prison for kidnapping a newlywed couple is taking his former hostages to court -- for turning him over to cops!
Jessie Dimmick wants more than $200,000 from the couple, because he says the couple breached an oral contract after promising not to turn him in for the 2009 incident -- in which he crashed his car into their yard while on the run from police, then held them at knifepoint.
A report at the time said the young couple was able to gain Dimmick's trust "by eating Cheetos and drinking Dr. Pepper with him while watching the movie Patch Adams" before escaping after he fell asleep.
And if you were wondering where Dimmick found a lawyer dumb enough to take the case, rest assured ... he's representing himself.
I AXED FOR A DRINK!
When residents of a Florida trailer park cut off a neighbor who'd been mooching free beer, he tried to get even -- by attempting to cut off the arm of one of them.
According to cops, Maykel Borges had been hanging out at the Trailerama for most of the day, sucking down free brewskis and annoying the residents. When asked to leave, he did, but returned with a hatchet, which he swung at one man, cutting him slightly.
Borges was arrested, charged with aggravated assault and aggravated battery, and was booked into jail.
A NOT-SO-HAPPY MEAL
A wanna-be hamburglar in Iowa is facing a number of charges after he broke into a McDonald's and proceeded to grill himself up a couple of burgers before climbing out through the drive thru window when he'd eaten his fill.
21-year-old Whitley Teslow even took the time to make himself a batch of fries and grab a soda -- all of which was caught on surveillance tape. The restaurant manager sent the footage to a local television station, which aired it that night -- prompting Teslow to turn himself in.
Teslow was charged with one count of burglary, one of criminal mischief and one of fifth-degree theft.
CALL IT DELA-WEIRD!
Delaware, the first state to ratify the Constitution, has just set another precedent -- becoming the first state with an ambassador to Mars.
Governor Jack Markell instructed the diplomat, Delaware State University vice president Noureddine Melikechi, "We would very much appreciate it if you could let any Martian tourists or investors know that Delaware has beautiful beaches and, of course, tax-free shopping."
Not to mention a high concentration of mind-altering chemicals in the drinking water.
A woman from upstate New York wanted to make sure she made it to a very important court date on time -- so they ripped off a car to get there.
Pamela Copes was to be in court facing charges of driving with a suspended license and fleeing police, so she clearly had experience with motor vehicles -- at least enough to jimmy open a Chevy Impala and get it to court.Copes and her accomplices didn't account for the car's OnStar tracking system, however, and that followed them right to the trial, where they racked up a new array of charges.
Guess there really is no such thing as a free ride.
Source: Times Union
A guy in Florida was arrested for allegedly refusing to pay for an order of chicken fingers ... because "they sucked."
Vero Beach police said Eugene Clyde Damboise got the chicken fingers from the deli at a Publix supermarket and ate them while cruising around the store.
Damboise bought a sandwich and was about to leave the store when a manager asked if he was going to pay for the chicken fingers he'd eaten.
Damboise allegedly responded, "No, they sucked."
He flew the coop, but officers caught up with him quickly. He was jailed on charges including retail theft and resisting detention by a merchant.
HER ESCAPE ATTEMPT BOMBED
An Ohio woman's attempt to evade arrest on shoplifting charges blew up in her face after cops caught her texting a friend to phone in a bomb threat to distract them.
Molly Martin was busted for stealing nearly $400 from a Dayton department store -- with her 17-month-old daughter in tow. Security caught her stuffing the items into bags while crouching in a lingerie aisle and called for reinforcements. But when they did, Martin followed suit, asking a pal to call in an effort to cause a panic.
Cops quickly determined the bomb threat was a hoax, so Martin was not charged, although a police spokesman said it was "a silly mistake, but a very serious offense."
Source: Dayton Daily News
SOME MIGHTY EXPENSIVE KIBBLE
We've all heard the famous line "The dog ate my homework," but one Florida woman got to put a more grown-up -- and much more expensive -- twist on the saying after her pup scarfed down a thousand dollars of her cash.
Christy Lawrenson had the ten $100 bills tucked into an envelope in preparation to make a car payment, but when her husband went to retrieve it, all he saw were bits of shredded money -- and a guilty looking mutt.
The couple did some research to avoid a really crappy retrieval experience, and gave the pooch some peroxide to induce vomiting -- then assembled the puked up pieces and took them to the bank, where they were replaced by a very understanding teller.
LIFTING WITH HIS LEGS, NOT HIS BRAIN!
Sometimes being a good Samaritan is a bad idea -- as one Delaware man found out when he offered to help a stranger hoist a flat screen TV ... only to find out the guy had just stolen it from his living room!
The unidentified victim was in the middle of doing his good deed when he noticed that the front door to his house was open -- leading him to put two and two together and dial 911. Wanna-be burglar Gary Hairston attempted to flee into a car driven by his girlfriend but was tasered into submission by police.
Sounds like he didn't plan for the lifting part of shoplifting!
A North Carolina man made a really crappy decision when he caused more than $2000 in damage to a Charlotte hotel ... because he ran out of toilet paper.
According to police, Dereck MacDonald, 43, became very upset when he discovered he'd run out of toilet paper in his room. So he allegedly walked into a vacant room at the hotel and clogged the toilet, causing water damage.
MacDonald then went back to his own room and caused additional property damage there.
He was arrested and charged with injury to personal property.
BAD DEPOSIT, NO RETURN
A Florida man could be in some very hot ... er ... "water" after going to a bank's drive-through window and making a deposit -- of his own urine.
The peeing perpetrator got angry when a teller at the window told him he could not purchase a money order there, so he argued for a bit and drove off -- but not before urinating into a deposit tube. The next driver in the line was unfortunate enough to need to make a deposit of her own -- only to have the liquid spill out and onto her lap.
Once apprehended, the man could be charged with causing a nuisance injurious to health.
THREE STABS AND YOU'RE OUT
The defendant in a felony drug trial in Washington state is going to have to represent himself after stabbing all three legal aid lawyers assigned to his case.
Joshua Monson stabbed his first lawyer with a pencil during a preliminary hearing, then jabbed his second while appearing before a judge a few days later. This time around, he waited until his trial started before grabbing attorney Jesse Cantor's pen and stabbing him in the temple -- drawing some blood, but causing no serious injury.
The judge ordered Monson restrained but said the jury should disregard the stabbing while deliberating his fate. Another set of jurors will deal with that when he goes on trial for the courtroom assault later this year.
TRICK OR ... BANG!
A 10-year-old in Georgia showed off a mighty scary trick to protect his treats on Halloween night -- by pulling a very real gun on a neighbor who joked about stealing his candy.
The boy, who was not identified because of his age, took out a 9-millimeter pistol and pointed it at the victim, telling her "Oh no, you're not," when she made the wisecrack. The weapon turned out to be unloaded, but the kid did have ammunition for it, just in case someone really did try to lay a finger on his Butterfinger.
His parents told cops that he'd taken the gun from his grandfather without permission.
A MAJOR DOGGIE DON'T
Feeding "people food" to a dog is rarely a good idea -- especially when the chow happens to be laced with psychedelic drugs.
That's the lesson learned by a Georgia couple who got loaded and fed their pooch a gummi worm spiked with LSD -- then wandered down the middle of their street naked looking for him. Nicholas Modrich and Jamie Hughes were hauled in on indecency charges, and Oscar the dog ended up getting hit by a car, but, luckily, his injuries were not life-threatening.
The couple are also facing drug and animal cruelty charges.
A Florida woman gave new meaning to cracking open the Good Book when cops stopped her for drinking in public -- and found she was carrying a Bible with a crack pipe hidden inside!
Tonya Sutton was walking down the street sipping a can of Colt 45 malt liquor when the deputies approached her to ask a few questions. In the process, they went through her purse and found the book of scriptures, which she'd hollowed out in order to break a commandment or two.
We don't think that's what they meant by "rock of ages."
HE'S NO ROCKET SCIENTIST
A British man put the luna into lunacy when he called authorities to breathlessly report that he'd just seen a mysterious light blazing in the sky -- which turned out to be the moon!
The man, whose name was not released, made a call to the Brit equivalent of 911 to say, "There's something flying over our house. Um, It's coming towards me now, there's all this light blazing. I don't know what the hell it is!"
Moments later, he called to apologize for his goof, which the dispatcher took in stride, replying, "We're really busy so I'm going to have to go now. Right. Okay, thanks. Goodbye!"
SHE STOLE HIS HEART, HE'S GOING TO JAIL
Police are supposed to stop people from cheating, but one Colorado man decided to do just the opposite -- using the boys in blue in a scheme to disguise his infidelity from his girlfriend.
Kevin Gaylor was trying to get a little action on the side by having another woman over for an interlude, but his significant other came home unexpectedly -- so he called cops to report that the other woman at his door was actually a burglar.
The unidentified gal blew the whistle on Gaylor, so he ended up having to explain himself to his girlfriend and a judge -- who would decide his fate on charges of filing a false police report.
SHE'S HIS PAPER DOLL
A Massachusetts man was arrested last weekend after trying to have his way with a victim who couldn't say a word to stop him -- because she was made of cardboard!
The man, a registered sex offender, walked into a Pittsfield pharmacy, approached the sunglass display and began kissing and fondling a cardboard cutout of a woman that was part of the advertising. Onlookers described the 57-year-old as "intoxicated" -- an assessment that was confirmed when he fell down and began shouting at other customers.
He plead guilty to a single count of disturbing the peace and was ordered to pay a $200 fine.
Source: Berkshire Eagle
A California man needed the help of emergency responders after he tried to get into the swing of things -- on a teeny, tiny playground swing set.
The 21-year-old man made a $100 bet with friends and wedged himself into the child's swing, but needed to lube his body with liquid laundry detergent to get in -- and didn't save enough to get himself out! His friends, of course, took off after seeing he was in distress -- leaving him to swing back and forth until six in the morning.
Firefighters were called to cut the swing chains off, then the man was transported to a hospital to have the swing body cut off. We're guessing that he'll be using his winnings for that E.R. co-pay.
Source: Napa County Times-Herald
UNDER OUTHOUSE ARREST
An employee at a nuclear power plant in Washington gave new meaning to the term bowel movement when the portable toilet he was using was picked up by a forklift and dropped across a road some 15 feet away.
The forklift operator insisted he thought the dial on the outhouse door indicated that it was unoccupied, but once he put the structure down, he heard banging on the door -- where a Teamster was trapped for several minutes.
A spokesperson for the plant said that the man was not injured, and noted, "It's one of those situations where it's hard not to laugh.
Source: Tri-City Herald
GRAND THEFT, POCKET CHANGE
A Florida woman who thought it was all about the Benjamins found out it was actually more about the Washingtons when she went to great pains to steal a cash register -- only to find that she'd made off with a grand total of 25 cents.
Erica Phillips and a male friend broke into a Gainesville bagel shop and stole a cash register, presuming they'd come away with a big haul; instead, they found a single quarter inside. Phillips admitted to driving John Harrington to the store, where he broke a display window and helped her haul off a register valued at 800 bucks.
Somehow, we don't think she's finding so much hope in that change.
Source: Gainesville Sun
HELP! I'VE FALLEN IN A HOSPITAL AND I CAN'T GET HELP
An elderly Niagara Falls woman had to call 911 to be taken to a hospital after she fell and broke her hip ... at a hospital!
Doreen Wallace slipped and fell in the lobby of a hospital where she was visiting her terminally ill husband. She thought that she'd be helped immediately since she was surrounded by doctors and nurses, but instead had to wait more than half an hour due to a "miscommunication" between staffers.
Ultimately, a security guard wiped some of the blood off her head wound and helped her into a wheelchair -- which hospital administrators now admit shouldn't have happened. No word on whether or not Wallace plans to sue.
Source: Niagara Falls Star
A KNEE JERK REACTION
An Arizona man is in line for a real tongue-lashing after cops picked him up on charges of approaching a woman who'd fallen on the street ... and licking her knee.
Martin Solo was busted after the unidentified woman tripped over a stair, only to have him leap on her and slobber all over her knee. He allegedly tried to move up and give her face the same treatment, but she managed to fight him off.
A police source said the woman was pressing charges, but it was not immediately clear what those might be.
THE TOOTH HURTS!
PITY THE FOOL
A barber in England was clipped last week for taking advantage of a mentally-disadvantaged customer by shaving an insult into the side of his head.
Stylist Michael Campbell cut the word "fool" into the hair of a 49-year-old customer who was unable to read -- telling him that he'd actually dubbed him "cool" with the cut. The victim's social worker pointed out the truth, then notified authorities.
Campbell was found guilty of assault and is awaiting sentencing.
A Florida man was arrested by cops after drunkenly trying to knock the teeth out of ... his own mouth!
Francisco Rojas's wife called 911 after he knocked back a few cold ones and ambled into his garage to try to pull a tooth that had been giving him trouble. When police arrived, Rojas was holding a pair of pliers and shouting obscenities at random. There was vomit on the floor from his extraction attempts.
He was arrested on charges of disturbing the peace because his outburst "affected the public decency as well as the peace and quiet of the children playing in the neighborhood."
A LOSING PAIR
A government worker in Indiana tried to dodge prosecution on fraud charges by pinning the blame on the logical real culprit -- her evil twin sister.
Janell Athalone-Afrika allegedly forged documents to falsely lower her income and claim more than $15,000 in government support for child care over the past eight years. But when she was finally caught red-handed, she turned to the evil twin defense -- which anyone with Nick at Nite on their cable package would recognize.
"It's pretty clear we didn't find any truth in the evil twin sister defense," said Deputy Prosecutor Barb Trathen. "When you have a person who not only has a higher income than reported, but who has a husband's income and actually an additional outside business that they are running, that seems unfair."
Source: The Indy Channel
School officials in South Carolina are moving a school bus stop after a number of parents complained. The problem? The bus stop was located next to a strip club.
Apparently kids had to wait for the bus in a parking lot behind a strip club in Atlantic Beach.
One mother, who waits at the stop with her children, says she had to explain to her 4-year-old what "topless" meant.
THE PUFFS ARE MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD
Cops in Illinois may have averted a cereal killing when they arrested a man who was blocking highway traffic while carrying a sword -- and shouting that he was "cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."
The still-unidentified man was reportedly "marching like a drum major" down Highway 30 when cops approached him. He swung his weapon once, but dropped it when ordered to -- although he did try to escape by jumping into a car that had swerved off the road to avoid the whole bizarre scene.
The suspect has been charged with attempted carjacking, resisting law enforcement and possession of marijuana.
Source: Chicago Tribune
A CONVICTION IS IN THE BAG
A woman who burglarized a Seal Beach, California, surf shop got bagged -- when she returned to get her bag!
Workers at a neighboring business grew suspicious after they spotted Arlene Louise Bremmer running to and from Inflight Surf and Sail with armfuls of clothing that she was tossing into her car. The shop owner chased her down and managed to grab some of the merchandise before she drove off -- not knowing he'd also snagged her purse.
The suspect returned to the store and demanded the bag, then pepper sprayed the owner for good measure. Cops caught up with her shortly thereafter, and arrested her on multiple felony counts.
THROWING THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER
A New Hampshire man was arrested after trying to sneak out of a store with about $25 worth of stolen baby supplies -- and leaving his baby at the scene of the crime.
Matthew Sordiff stuffed baby wipes, baby formula and other items into a diaper bag and tried to get away quietly, but a store employee intervened. The 21-year-old then dropped the bag and placed his three-month-old daughter gently on the ground before fleeing on foot.
He and the baby's mother, who was also nvolved in the incident, were both arrested the same day. Sordiff's mom said, "My son is a very good father. Matt got scared and he ran because he thought he had warrants he never took care of."
Source: Fosters' Democrat
WRECKING TWO CARS WITH ONE FINGER
A woman in Washington state is going to have her hands full trying to wriggle out of reckless driving charges -- after causing a two-car crash while giving the middle finger to another motorist.
The 23-year-old woman wanted to change lanes, but the other driver wouldn't make room, so she did the only logical thing and flipped the bird. As she was doing that, she clipped the rear end of the other vehicle, causing it to roll over. She ended up running into a ditch herself.
Neither driver was seriously injured.
We all make love life decisions we'd like to forget, but one Florida man has taken things to another level altogether -- by claiming his first marriage completely slipped his mind.
Aaron Richardson was arrested on bigamy charges after the judge at a domestic hearing discovered he had a marriage license from a 2004 wedding -- but no evidence that he'd ever divorced Irene Clark before marrying Arkina Sneed last year.
Richardson insists he was taking medication for a health issue the whole time he was involved with Clark and has no recollection of their time together, including the wedding.
A PHONE IN THE HAND IS WORTH...
A British man will spend the next 12 months phoning up taxi services if he wants to hit the road -- after he was convicted of tooling down the road using two cell phones at once!
David Secker was spotted chatting on a phone held in his right hand while texting with a second device with his left. A deputy said that Secker was pulled over after an officer observed his car swerving because he was steering with his knees.
Secker denied texting with the second phone, saying he was simply reading a number off it while talking on the first. No matter -- that's still a punishable offense in Britain.
Source: DailyMail (U.K.)
THE BELLY BUTTON BURGLAR
A Pennsylvania man was arrested last week after breaking into a home shared by three women and stealing...a nice hot shower.
When cops arrived at the residence, they found Jarrod Fenner ranting incoherently and insisting he was in his own home. He also told the officers he was "the coolest (expletive) on Earth" and that "I bit my own umbilical cord off when I was born."
He also admitted he was under the influence of marijuana and cocaine.
Source: Allentown Morning Call
AN OFF-THE-CUFF DATING MISTAKE
A Georgia man got himself put in handcuffs because he decided to put someone else in them -- a woman who turned down his offer for a date.
Taco Bell employee Jason Dean pulled up next to the gal he was sweet on in the restaurant's parking lot -- and promptly attached himself to her with a pair of cuffs. He'd been asking her out for weeks, much to her dismay, and she had changed her work schedule so she could avoid him.
He ultimately set her free, but was arrested on false imprisonment charges two days later. Since he's out on bail, we hope he doesn't make a run for the border.
Source: Times Free Press
IT'S A BIRD ... IT'S A PLANE ...IT'S AN IDIOT!
Iowa cops don't look kindly on competition from wanna-be superheroes -- at least not ones that go by names like "Captain Save-a-Ho."
Cops were called to a mall in Iowa City because a man identified as Jerald Navarre was shouting at passersby. Navarre, who smelled strongly of alcohol, admitted to being "a little drunk," but said he needed to be at the mall to protect women -- and identified himself as "Captain Save-a-Ho."
He was charged with public intoxication.
Source: Iowa City Press-Citizen
BRANCHING OUT INTO ROBBERY
A Long Island, New York, man went out on a limb in his effort to commit the perfect crime -- by trying to rob a convenience store using a tree branch as a weapon.
The store clerk initially laughed off Michael Zimmerman's attempt, but Zimmerman struck him several times, then fled on his motorcycle. An off-duty cop from a neighboring county managed to block his path until local police arrived.
Sounds like the guy should stick to his day job.
NOW THAT'S SOME HOT LINGERIE!
A woman in upstate New York got hot under the collar after being banned from a Victoria's Secret store for shoplifting, so she decided to heat things up for the store manager -- by pouring a vat of chili over a rack of underwear.
Lauren Jackson ruined more than 60 thongs, bikinis and hip-huggers in the incident, causing nearly $750 in damages. She might have gotten away with it, but she decided to return to the scene of the crime, where an employee remembered her for the saucy act and called cops.
She faces charges of third-degree criminal mischief, which is a five-alarm felony in New York state.
Source: Huffington Post
TO THE BAT-JAIL, MORON!
A Pittsburgh man who tried to car-jack a vehicle driven by a plain-clothes police officer tried to cover his butt by unmasking his accomplice ... Batman!
21-year-old Micah Calamosca climbed into the unmarked patrol car and told the officer to get out, only to have him draw his gun. When confronted, Calamosca insisted he was part of the team in town to film the new Caped Crusader flick The Dark Knight Rises -- and that the car-jacking was part of the script.
Calamosca's excuse got two thumbs down from the boys in blue, and he faces charges of robbery of a motor vehicle.
Source: Associated Press
A LOW-CALIBER PARENTING JOB
A woman in Kelowna, British Columbia, has been charged with doing less than a bang-up job at parenting -- after being busted for driving her kids around while they shot pellet guns out the windows of her car.
Cops seized three weapons from the unidentified mom's pre-teen children after a man reported that they pointed the guns at him and fired into his vehicle. The woman insisted she thought the kids were only shooting at street signs, so she didn't think there was any problem with the behavior.
A police investigation is continuing.
Source: The Province
Eat up or else ... The manager of a buffet restaurant in Sweden kicked out three diners for not eating everything on their plates.
22-year-old Danilo Riquelme and his two friends say they were told to leave Bamboo Mongolian Barbeque.
According to Riquelme, the manager, Henrik Cui, through a fit because they didn't eat all their food.. "The boss flipped out and started swearing, 'Go to hell, you're never welcome here,'" said Riquelme. "We were thrown out in the most unpleasant manner. My friend wasn't even allowed to finish his beer."
Cui stands by his decision to throw out the diners. "Take one plate, take two, and sit here all day if you like -- but don't throw away food. I don't like guests who waste. They aren't welcome here," he said.
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS ...
A Massachusetts man was arrested after he crashed his van into six cars at a New Hampshire used car dealership ... because the dealer wouldn't take his "lemon" back.
David Cross said soon after his wife purchased the van he discovered it had major mechanical problems.
Cross said his mechanic told him to take the car back, but the dealer refused to refund his money and told him he was "stuck with it."
Cross had other plans and returned to the dealership later that night and took his rage out on the other cars.
After his demolition derby Cross flagged down a police car and told the officer what he'd done. He was arrested, charged with 6 counts of felony mischief and released on his own recognizance.
THE FAMILY THAT BOOZES TOGETHER, LOSES TOGETHER
An Idaho woman was arrested on drunk driving charges after showing up to pick up her daughter's dog -- from the site where the younger woman had been arrested for driving drunk.
26-year-old Alisha Gardner was pulled over after cops spotted her swerving over the center line. Her blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit, so she was taken into custody -- leaving her pooch in need of care.
Mom Diana Gardner showed up to take the pup, but when she did, an officer smelled alcohol on her breath and decided to test her as well. She, too, tested at twice the legal limit.
No word on what happened to the dog.
Authorities in Maine are trying to figure out how -- and why -- a naked woman was found sobbing in a sewer pipe on a cliff 25 feet above the Kennebec River.
The woman, who was described as "incoherent," was presumed to be under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs and was taken to a hospital for observation.
A police spokesperson said, "It was an unusual call. People don't run around naked in the daytime."
Source: Waterville Morning Sentinel
A California man remains in police custody after breaking into an ex-girlfriend's apartment -- and leaving his I-Phone behind in her bathtub.
The stupid-but-sanitary crook, identified as Jason Scott Davis, stole jewelry, clothing and personal items from his former girlfriend. An officer called to investigate the crime simply dialed Davis's number and pretended to be a good Samaritan intent on returning the phone.
When he went to pick it up, he was cuffed and remains behind bars on $50,000 bail.
Source: San Jose Mercury News
SOUR SHUT DOWN
Police in Midway, Georgia, put the squeeze on three girls running a lemonade stand.
Police shut down their drink-selling operation because the girls, who were trying to earn enough money to go to a water park, didn't have a business license or the required permits.
City law requires business and food permits ($50 a day), even if the stand is at a residence.
"It's kind of crazy that we couldn't sell lemonade," said 14-year-old Casity Dixon. "It was fun, but we had to listen to the cops and shut it down."
The girls are now doing chores and yard work to make money.
THOU SHALT NOT BLEEPIN' STEAL!
A man in Northern California was busted after a check-cashing store manager thought he might be trying to pass a check stolen from a local church.
The red flag? Patrick Brooks had the words "[Eff] you" tattooed in large type across his forehead -- not what you might expect from a rep of the Cottonwood Bible Baptist Church. When the store manager called the church, they found that several checkbooks and $250 in cash had been stolen from an office.
Brooks pleaded not guilty to charges including receiving stolen property, forgery and parole violation.
STOPPING FOR GAS
An Ohio man made history this week by causing a traffic snarl because he couldn't run out of gas.
Cops in the Cleveland suburb of Twinsburg got a call about a man who stopped in the middle of the road, got out and yelled, "I have to fart" while running around his car.
He told officers he'd been looking for jobs in a neighboring town, but stopped since he had to pass gas, but couldn't because "it hurt too much."
The unidentified man, who had a history of psychiatric problems, was taken to a hospital for observation.
Source: Twinsburg Patch
LET'S BE FRANK, THE GUY'S A WEENIE!
An Indiana man mustered up a lot of guts -- by crashing his car into a drive-thru restaurant, then getting out to place an order, even though the place was closed.
Leonard Webb knocked down one of the walls at B & K Root Beer and splattered over 100 pounds of grease out of the fryers and onto an employee. Webb blamed the accident on a stuck throttle, and registered zero on a breathalyzer test.
The restaurant's owner said "It was like an explosion went off ... then tried to order some hot dogs."
Source: Kokomo Tribune
DRUNK DRIVER DRIVES DRUNKS INTO DITCH
An Alaska man was arrested for drunk driving -- in a van designed to pick up people who are too drunk to drive.
Donny Weston drove off in the so-called "inebriated services" van after spotting it unlocked, with the keys in the ignition. The van is part of a program in Anchorage that picks up intoxicated people and shuttles them to a center where they can sleep it off.
Weston ultimately rolled the vehicle into a ditch and ran off, but police say the sloshed passengers in the back didn't notice the joyride.
A South Dakota woman was arrested for assaulting a police officer with a deadly, but cottony-soft, weapon -- a used feminine hygiene product.
Ada Morales pled not guilty to charges of aggravated assault for allegedly throwing a used tampon at the unidentified officer, striking him in the face. On the bright side, she followed that act by spraying him with cleaning products.
Her trial is scheduled for October.
TAKES A LICKIN'!
A California man suspected of driving under the influence got in even more trouble because of his big mouth -- which he used to lick the computer of the officer who pulled him over.
Olan Mitchell was speeding and apparently wasted when he was pulled over. He refused to submit to field sobriety tests, so he was placed in the police cruiser, where he started licking the electronic equipment.
After ignoring orders to keep his tongue to himself, Mitchell went on to kick one of the cops, earning a trip to jail on charges ofDUI, resisting arrest, battery on a peace officer, driving without a license and possession of marijuana.
Source: San Francisco Chronicle
LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF PANTSLESSNESS
A Canadian man is looking to change the law of the land in his home country in order to protect a basic human right -- to walk around city streets stark naked.
Brian Coldin is fighting five separate indecency charges stemming from his own nudity -- including two messy incidents at fast-food drive-thrus. His attorney is arguing that laws banning public nudity are unconstitutional and that seeking naked bodies doesn't harm anyone.
Coldin himself says, "We're created in the image of God himself, and we're a God-fearing country [so] how can we possibly be prosecuted?"
AND YOU THINK YOUR JOB STINKS?
A government worker in Alberta, Canada, has filed a suit to have his bosses return 11 weeks worth of sick days -- which he had to use because his co-workers insisted on wearing deodorant!
Terence Juba says he has allergies that cause him to get violently ill if he comes in contact with most scents. Even though his department instituted a no-scent policy, colleagues ignored it, forcing him to use his entire backlog of sick time.
Ruling in his favor, the court said the offending co-workers "took the view that they were entitled to wear deodorant, use soap and wear perfumes, and in profane terms, they told him to mind his own business."
Source: National Post
HE'S A SMOOTH CRIMINAL
A New Jersey woman was startled when she walked into her home to find an intruder lurking inside -- and even more startled when he politely apologized for being there.
Maria Cardona reported that the unidentified man, who cut through a screen door to gain entrance, said he was sorry and explained that he meant to break into the house across the street -- where he wanted to find a guy named "Greg."
The prowler even offered to repair the screen door, but high-tailed it when she declined the offer.
Source: Press of Atlantic City
Someone was sent to jail yesterday (Thursday) in the Casey Anthony murder trial, but it wasn't Anthony. A spectator at the trial, 28-year-old Matthew Bartlett, was caught flipping off one of the prosecutors and was found to be in contempt of court and sentenced to six days in jail. Bartlett, who when not attending trials works at a waiter at T.G.I. Fridays, felt the wrath of Judge Belvin Perry, who spent some time quizzing him before throwing the book at him. Before the drama with Bartlett occurred, the defense rested its case without Anthony taking the stand. She's accused of smothering her two-year-old daughter Caylee. Source: Fox News
PANTS ON FIRE!
A Florida landlord who was burning mad over a deadbeat tenant decided to settle the dispute by setting the man's underwear on fire -- while he was still wearing them!
Jonathan Steinberg demanded his cash from Ronald Rohde, who threw him out of his room. Steinberg complied, but returned with a bottle of rubbing alcohol and matches, which he used to set fire to Rohde's boxers.
Rohde was treated for minor burns, while Steinberg was charged with aggravated battery
AN UNDIE-SIRABLE NEIGHBOR
A Florida man is planning to sue his city government for stealing his soiled underwear -- hundreds of pairs of it, which he kept in his front yard.
Robert Hodges, who prefers to be called "Prince Mongo," battled with his neighbors for years over the condition of his yard, which was filled with sand and trash -- including piles and piles of underwear.
Officials threatened and pleaded to get him to clean up the mess, and finally cleaned it themselves when he went out of town. They've sent him a bill for the work -- and he's planning to sue over the government actions.
HE LOVES A MAN IN UNIFORM
A Florida man got a free jail stay after calling cops eight times in one night -- to ask them to pay for his hotel room!
At least Lionel Johnson was polite about it. Between sips of Wild Irish Rose, he told responding officers he thought they were "sexy" and said he thought they should foot his hotel bill because he was working undercover for the CIA.
He was charged with a violation of Florida's open container law.
HOLDING HIS FEET TO THE FIRE
A Florida man is probably kicking himself today after burning down his own home last week -- while trying to clear up an infection on his foot.
The man told deputies he was sitting on his bed, using rubbing alcohol to clean his foot, when his lit cigarette came into contact with the flammable liquid and set his sheets on fire. He ran off to get a fire extinguisher, but by the time he returned, the blaze was out of control.
Fire officials say the home was not habitable after the fire.
Source: Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel
THE WRITING'S ON THE WALL
A crook in Iowa added insult to injury by ransacking a victim's home, stealing precious valuables ... and spray-painting the walls with nasty messages about the stuff that was left behind.
Raymond Kling returned to his home earlier this week and found furniture overturned and drawers emptied -- but also found notes like "ugly couch" and "got ya" sprayed on walls and cabinets throughout the house.
The only clue left behind was an empty can of black paint discarded in a bathroom.
Source: Des Moines Register
WEENIE ROASTED FOR BURGLARY
An Oklahoma man was arrested for breaking into a Sonic Drive-In restaurant -- after cops followed a trail of corn dogs from the front door of the establishment to his home.
Dakota Lasley was found in his bedroom with blood on his hands and shattered glass in the soles of his shoes. He also had an array of goodies, including hot dogs and chicken breasts.
According to a police report, Lasley told officers he "might have blacked out from drinking and done something stupid."